The season is upon us once more. And for many of our Elders, it comes with many memories, and a few problems.
Many of you that care for Elders realize by now that most memories our Elders have of past holiday seasons are good but may be painful. Memories of cherished family members that have passed on; the 'good old days' and traditions of Christmas and the holiday season that have passed on with a world that no longer exists for them outside of their memories; many have lost spouses along the way; some have lost children. These memories can be bittersweet. And invariably, these memories seem the strongest around the holiday season.
Some of us would prefer 'not to go there' when it comes to painful memories. But often, it really is much better to just go with it. Dig out the old family photo albums, the old Christmas cards, and if you don't have any of these, just talk about those 'good old days'.
It doesn't matter how many times you have already heard it -- hear it again. Talking about lost loved ones and the cherished old traditions is healing, therapeutic, and can be uplifting. Encourage your Elder to remember as much as s/he can. Try to emphasize the good stuff, but be sure to validate the bad stuff, too. In this way, you can acknowledge and validate your Elder and her/his past life. Let her/him know how you feel, and that you understand how important these people and these times were (are) to her/him, and that they are important to you as well because (even though you may not have been there) it is all part of you and your heritage.
Realize that very old Elders will often have far clearer memories of the long past, back to their childhood. They will surely have memories of your childhood, but the people of their own childhood are often all gone and the ones causing the 'bitter' part of the memories, because it all happened 50, 60, 70+ years ago (you know: long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away). This is where the saying "you can never go home again" likely came from. So, you want to try and help your Elder 'go home again' at least in her/his memory.
On to other concerns:
It's winter time. In most places it's cold, and if it's not snowing where you are, it's at least colder than the rest of the year.
Keep in mind that your Elder is probably very 'cold-blooded'. Keep your Elder cozy by adding extra soft underclothing, layers of clothing, thick socks, even a soft knit scarf around your neck can keep you much warmer than you would think. (Yeah, you people that live in snow country know about that. I'm a California native; wearing scarves when it's cold is probably the best lesson I learned from living 3 winters in Maine about 14 years ago.) Anyway, you get the point. Lots of soft fluffy clothing will keep the chill off for your Elder, and hopefully you won't have to sit outside on the porch because it's too hot in the house.
You do want to keep the house at around 70 - 75 degrees. I know this may be a problem if you are living in the same house. Most of us baby boomers (I'm talking mostly women here) are in that part of our lives when hormones don't know what to do anymore, and we are hot and flashing most of the time. Me, I like 60 degrees, 55 is just fine. But the Elders I care for can't do that. This is serious stuff. Your Elder may still feel cold at 70 - 75 degrees, but at least s/he won't get hypothermic. It takes energy to stay warm, and being too cold all the time will cause stress that your Elder can't handle, resulting in more illness, worsening of chronic ailments, behavior problems, trouble sleeping, inability to eat, more pain from arthritic problems.... All kinds of things you do not want to deal with, and will surely cause 'unpleasantness'. If you try to heat the house higher than 75 degrees, you may be drying out the air too much, which will cause problems of it's own.
Dry skin is a major problem with most Elders. And wintertime is worse. Make sure to use an extra moisturizing body wash for bathing and showers. Then add an extra moisturizing lotion right out of the bath or shower when the skin is still warm and damp.
Dry eyes is more common than people realize. Dry eyes can cause itching, burning, redness, and eye discharges that are bothersome. Over-the-counter eye drops to moisturize the eyes are inexpensive and well worth the effort. Make sure the drops are for moisture only.
Remember to keep your Elder hydrated. Cold weather tends to make people, especially Elders, drink less. Try hot tea, there are many nice herbal teas to choose from, and will also serve to warm up your Elder. If your Elder likes black or green tea, don't be afraid of the caffeine (unless the Elder's doctor says no caffeine). It can be good to help stimulate circulation and brain activity.
Many family members and friends may call you to ask what to give your Elder for Christmas. This is usually hard for most people to figure out. Remember that Elders grew up with a Christmas that was much different from our own. It wasn't commercialized yet. And giving during the season was heartfelt and out of a loving spirit. Very unlike the now commercialized season where we must get something for everyone in our life.... and it must cost enough to be considered a good gift.... and the name of the game is SALES for the market place.... and we all have to go out and spend to save our country's economy.
Anyway, the best gifts for most Elders are
- wearables that provide comfort (soft clothing, robes, lap blankets, small pillow, poofy slippers, soft warm scarves); Fleece clothing is great and there are so many different products made from fleece--pj's, t-shirts, slippers, jackets, blankets, you name it.
- goodies to eat (fancy little soft candies, cookies, cakes); homemade or not.
- pictures of family (enlarge a nice photo and frame it; enlarge a photo from long ago of loved ones and frame it; a small photo album with favorite photos enlarged; even a scrapbook type thing with family and comments.
- scented lotions
- large print books (predominately pictures for those who don't read).
- magazine subscriptions: some good ones are Reader's Digest (large print version), National Geographic, Reminisce Magazine, Good Old Days Magazine, American Heritage Magazine, America in WWII Magazine, and many many others to choose from (just put 'magazine subscriptions' into your search engine to find several sites that sell discounted subscriptions).
- DVDs of old favorite movies or TV series
- Flowers
- Music favored by your Elder (CD's, satellite radio subscriptions, you could even download favorites to an iPod)
- Sound amplifier with headset (for those Elders that don't wear hearing aids but have trouble hearing the television, radio, sermons at church, birds singing outside, whatever)
- accessories for wheelchairs or walkers: there are special bags and totes that fit onto the w/c or walker; there are special cushions for more comfortable seating in a w/c.
- I could go on and on...so here's a site with more gift ideas for the elderly, just click. There are plenty more like it.
- Here's another site with some good ideas for gifts at SeniorStore.com
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